LOS ANGELES -- When the results from the 2015 COMO Draft Lottery were broadcast worldwide on Sunday afternoon, Newport Beach owner and general manager Peter Mayer gave a virtual "thumbs up" to the rest of the league. Several thumbs, in fact. His Grizzlies (17-65 last season) had just won the lottery despite possessing the fourth-best odds entering the ceremony, beating out the lowly Minneapolis Player Haterzz (10-72) and the two yet-to-be-named expansion teams. The winning lottery card was the final step in a tanking plan that began almost immediately last fall. Mayer kept star players Russell Westbrook and John Wall glued to the bench while a ragtag team of hacks slowly descended the standings. "My hard work tanking paid off," Mayer said. "Russell was upset with me when I benched him so much, but John Wall was chill with taking a year off. I think Russ will be happier when we use our cap space on a proven superstar and our first-round pick on [Duke center] Jahlil [Okafor], [Kentucky center] Karl [Anthony-Towns], or [Ohio State guard] D'Angelo [Russell]." While Mayer's plan to land a top free agent will likely work out this summer, drafting a star will be much harder than it seems. That's because Minneapolis holds the right to swap first-round spots with Newport Beach either this year or next, and the time seems ripe for Player Haterzz general manager Dan Renfro to pull the trigger. "He might," Mayer said. "Who knows? I'm moving forward and preparing as if the pick is mine to use how I want to use it. If he wants to trigger the clause, we'll deal with it." Dropping from No. 1 to No. 4 (where Minneapolis currently sits) is a bummer this off-season, as Okafor, Towns and Russell have become consensus Top 3 picks. Unsurprisingly, Renfro seems ready to move up. "This is a pretty perfect situation given the deal," he said, referring to last August's draft day trade between the teams that netted the clause. "(Mayer) didn't even think twice about it, if I remember correctly. He was so desperate to get in to the first round plus I don't think he planned to be awful so it double worked out against him." Renfro is expected to make a decision well before the June 25 deadline. Mayer is ready for it, saying 19-year-old Emmanuel Mudiay would be the primary option at No. 4. "We would also look into moving the pick if the right deal came across the table," Mayer said. "Other players could move up our board as well. All we know is we want to bring a championship to Newport Beach." How soon? "This year." Official 2015 Post-Lottery Draft Order 1. Newport Beach* 2. Expansion A 3. Expansion B 4. Minneapolis* 5. Colorado 6. Duval United 7. Shorewood 8. Minnesnowta 9. Chaska 10. Kansas City 11. Rio ----- 12. Newport Beach 13. Expansion B 14. Expansion A 15. Newport Beach (from Minneapolis) 16. Colorado 17. Duval United 18. Minneapolis (from Shorewood) 19. Minnesnowta 20. Chaska 21. Shorewood (from Kansas City) ----- 22. Expansion B 23. Expansion A
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MINNEAPOLIS — No one thought it would take this long, but LeBron James finally collected his first COMO Player of the Week award.
The Minneapolis superstar averaged 42.25 bones over four contests (he missed Sunday's game with a broken nose) to edge out Chaska's Kevin Love (39.00 over five games) and etch his name into the record book. James won the October/November Player of the Month despite never picking up a Player of the Week nod. Player Haterzz owner and general manager Dan Renfro brushed off the idea that James has played below expectations this season. "It's always nice when the best player on the planet plays like it," Renfro said. "It's cute how quickly people forget that." Fourth-place Minneapolis currently holds an 8.5-point advantage on the nearest two teams (Newport Beach and Minnesnowta) with three weeks to go. As long as LeBron stays on track, the Haterzz should be just fine. Once the playoffs begin, however, the Chaska Moose will be the heavy favorite to take home the championship. Will the Player Haterzz attempt to bolster their roster before the Tuesday trade deadline? "If we can acquire a player or two that can hate on our level, we will," Renfro said. "Otherwise we're set to make a run at (Chaska's) F*ck Boy Fink's squad, who is the favorite. Luckily for us, the Hollywood Hornets owner has described how F*ck Boy chockes when it matters most." Sexual innuendos aside, the playoffs should be fun. MINNEAPOLIS — The Player Haterzz finished tied for second this past week, but the team didn't need to lean on superstar LeBron James. Instead, power forward Blake Griffin led the charge, with three 40-point efforts and a 39.25 average over four starts.
The excellent week pushes Minneapolis to 5.5 standings points above Newport Beach for the fourth and final playoff spot. "This playoff race is finna be a dogfight, but we got pups Mike Vick would be proud of," team owner Dan Renfro said. "Especially compared to f*ck boy Fafinski's squad (insert audio here)." Griffin was simply excellent — his four-game Player of the Week average was the highest in league history — and his red-hot streak will need to continue for Renfro's squad to stay ahead in the postseason chase. "Blake is the best value in the league," Renfro said. "It's nice that such a talented guy finally put together a full week of beasting." MINNEAPOLIS — We've hardly heard a peep from the media about the third-place Player Haterzz this season. Maybe it's karmic retribution for the team's namesake. Maybe it's just irony.
But the spotlight is now firmly on Minneapolis thanks to stud forward LeBron James (30.0 COMO points per game in 16 starts), who claimed the inaugural COMO Player of the Month award for October/November. "It's nice having the best player on the planet," owner Dan Renfro said in a written statement Monday. "Worth every penny." James, of course, has the highest salary in the league ($52 million). However, he has not claimed any of the seven COMO Player of the Week awards. In fact, if Hollywood and Chaska had not screwed up their lineups just one less time, James likely would've lost out to Chris Paul (30.13 in 15 starts) or Kevin Love (30.53 in 15 starts). "It's cute that some folks get worked up over weekly awards," Renfro said. "The Player Haterzz are in it for the long haul, and the COMO title is the only thing we worry about. It's also nice that of the two teams I think could beat us... one is five years late to greatness, and the other is run by Isaiah Thomas." Jabs at other teams aside, Renfro once again pointed fingers at the media. "We'll get the press when it matters," he said. "As the COMO league trophy is hoisted high over our championship heads." |
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